


Monotonous

by UnconsciousAndTired



Series: My Vent Fics [3]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Mental Health Issues, Unreliable Narrator, self sabotage, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29664294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnconsciousAndTired/pseuds/UnconsciousAndTired
Summary: A vent fic about me leaving people the second they get to close to me.
Series: My Vent Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2066736
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Monotonous

_ ‘Here we are again,’ _ Dream thinks, staring at the unanswered notifications and violently bright screen.

There are 6 text messages that he’s read but hasn’t answered, a good amount of DMs on discord, and all the emails he still needs to look through. He’s been letting everything pile up for the past few days, it’s just felt like too much to respond to. It’s not even like it’d be difficult either, he just can’t bring himself to start in the first place.

Usually it isn’t this hard.

Most days, Dream can go and reply to a few texts, keep a conversation - at least acknowledge a few emails. And maybe he’ll purposely leave his discord account offline so he doesn’t have to talk to anyone immediately, but that’s all a part of the process, right?

He’s okay. It’s not like he’s actively running into streets or anything, and if that’s the case, surely nothing is ever that bad. He just gets a little.. over it sometimes. It’s like running face first into a slump.

The type of slump that makes it hard for Dream to put down his phone, yet impossible to stay focused on anything within it - dooming him to an eternity of staring at his phone background. The type of slump that turns his message notifications into more of a fear, than something to look forward to. The type of slump that burns his mind with the need to create something, but no motivation to make whatever that thing is.

A while ago, he’d told Sapnap and George that he was just tired. 

They had the nerve to say that he was just depressed.

All that happened was a fight, really. George had insisted that Dream wasn’t tired, but depressed. It had already been a heated conversation, and that only seemed to drive the tension up, finally driving him to the screaming match that it did.

_ “I don’t have fucking  _ depression, _ George!” _ Dream had yelled. 

In hindsight, he’s still not sure why the thought made him so angry. Maybe it’d been because of how used to security he was -a good actor, is what his old friends had called him. Good at hiding the things he really thinks, at least when it’s something that matters.

It’s not like he can change anything now though. No matter the reason, it didn’t stop the tension from leaking into their conversation at the time. He still thinks about the way their voices had sounded, the way they’d both formed the exact same words, each with a wildly different meaning behind it,  _ “Then why do you keep shutting yourself away?’ _

One had been angry at him. Sick of the same patterns repeating themselves over and over again, sick of having to watch them through and be on the bad end of them. Dream can’t help but shrink at the very memory of it. The thought of hurting his friends in the process of running away from them is just… it fucks him up a bit.

If he’s being honest though, it’s the other voice that had hurt the most- the one that had been concerned. Like they were the ones at fault for how he was acting.

It makes Dream want to distance himself a little further. 

Maybe, if he stops all contact, he can’t hurt them anymore. Afterall, he’s only been a nuisance since this whole friendship started-  _ he’s sure of it. _ But if he leaves, sure they’ll be sad for a bit, but eventually it’ll all be okay. He’ll leave them alone, and they won’t have to deal with his thoughts.

That’s how it’s always worked. With every friend before George and Sapnap, he’s been able to cut off and erase any contact with them. That way, they have no room for Dream to fuck them up even more, and he doesn’t have to constantly reassure someone that he’s okay when he isn’t. The whole system was just- perfect.

  
  


Yeah… Perfect..

  
  


Slowly, Dream goes through his texts and replies to them with short, clipped words. He doesn’t want to be rude- just distant. Far enough that Sapnap will realize he needs space, and George will see it as exhaustion. 

As long as the process keeps repeating itself, they’ll slowly stop talking to him, and everything will be okay again. Right?

His mind keeps supplying him with moments of assurance -of care- that they gave him. It’s a happy reel of movie scenes turned bitter, churning behind his eyes in anger at his own stupidity. It’s so obvious now that they were just being nice. Just  _ dealing with him. _

The way they’d rush to help whenever Dream was upset, or reassure him during bad moments in the beginning, or even give him the benefit of the doubt in bad situations. No  _ real _ person is like that, there’s no way. 

It makes sense though. George and Sapnap are too nice, they always have been. They’d never go out of their way to make Dream leave like that, they’ll just keep going on and on until he’s taken up all of their time. So because Dream cares too much about them, he’ll leave on his own. It’ll be okay. He’ll figure something out.

He just… kind of wishes he were capable of staying.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact- I was literally a click away from finally confiding in a friend, but she started talking about how proud she was that I'm doing better, and I felt too guilty to talk to her for like two days. I'm really bad at actually keeping good people in my life because of that, so I just made this instead asnjkcn.
> 
> As usual, I didn't have the energy to go back and edit this. I wrote it in like an hour, and I'm too burned out to read it over for typos or anything, so thank you if you read to the end.


End file.
